Last month we talked about Motherhood and Sexuality and how important it is to value your role as a woman, and not just a mom. This month in honor of Father’s Day we want to celebrate masculinity and the roles men play in our lives. Growing up we have both female and male influences in our lives who teach us directly and indirectly how to relate to others. Many people have grandfathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, teachers or coaches who have had a significant impact in shaping our lives. There are some people that may have had a greater influence on us than others, but the first male influence for most women is usually our dad.
Men can be complicated, just like women can. Sometimes they love and support us unconditionally and other times not so much. Ask anyone about their relationship with their dad or their husband and you may open a can of worms. Why is that? Because dads and husbands are human beings. They are not perfect. They didn’t get a rulebook on how to be a “Good Dad” or a “Good Husband” just like we didn’t get the rulebook on how to be a “Good Mom” or a “Good Wife.” One thing my dad used to always say to me is, “Jen…I do the best with what I know and as I grow and learn, I become a better man.” He would always continue to teach me new things as he became older and wiser.
Each one of us has different memories about the men in our lives. Some are happy positive memories that you treasure for a lifetime, while there are other memories that might not be so happy yet stick with us. Both types of examples create imprints in our life experience to help shape who we become. In addition, our dad’s directly and indirectly show us how to relate to others, especially when it comes to other men in our life. The way men treat their wives is the example they provide of how they believe a woman should be treated. Some men are great examples of how to treat women, whereas others are great examples of how not to treat a woman. Either way, each example is a lesson for us in how to relate to the men in our lives and develop happy, healthy relationships.
In the day to day grind, it’s so easy to talk about the things that drive us crazy about our dad’s, husband’s or any other man in life. Why is that? Let’s face it ladies, the real reason many do this is because as women we want things to be perfect. We want the perfect wedding, the perfect husband, the perfectly behaved child, the perfect house, the perfect birthday party etc… The list goes on. We so badly want things to be “right” and many times when things don’t go our definition of “right” we criticize, we put down, or we emasculate the men in our lives out of frustration. If no one taught us how to appreciate, love and respect the men in our lives, then how would we know how to do this? Men thrive when they feel honored, appreciated and respected. Just like you would!
What I have realized is that while I have many fond memories and lessons from the men in my life, sometimes my greatest lessons are the ones that came from the “not so good” experiences. The ones that were blessings in disguise wrapped in unexpected wrapping paper. Let’s take time this month to celebrate the men in our lives. The good, the bad and the ugly.