A couple weeks ago I was having a really rough day. Things were blowing up at work, the kids were home frome school and were fighting, I lost some important papers that I couldn’t find, it was like everything that could have gone wrong did. This worst part and most embarrassing part of the day is that I yelled so hard at my boys to STOP FIGHTING that I literally peed in my pants in front of all of my boys. UGH! I couldn’t believe what had happened. I think this experience has to be at the top list of the most embarrassing things in my life. I thought Oh My God, how could this have happened? Am I some sort of monster? How has it come to this? I reached my witts end and felt like I was at rock bottom. After the events, I locked myself into my bedroom and cried in my chair and asked God to help with this chaotic family environment I had created. This madness needs to stop.
Later that day, I participated in an amazing session with my Priestess Sisters from my class. The love, acceptance, understanding and positive energy that I received from them was absolutely amazing. It was like giving myself the ability to just relax, simply be and listen to the message God was sending to me. After doing some deep reflection and journaling, I found this poem below “Children Learn What They Live”.
When I think to my childhood, my parents wanted the best for me, but I felt like I lived in a world with fear and judgement. I made choices to do things out of fear of not pleasing them, or fear of making a mistake rather than out of love. I thought my God, what have I created for my own family?!? Now I have seen this poem before, but when I went to sleep that night, the following morning I woke up so completely filled with LOVE. I wanted to eliminate everything to do with FEAR and ANXIETY and just focus on LOVE.
Last month I shared about the most amazing transformation journey I have been on. I would like to begin sharing some of the highlights and lessons learned from my experience. Some of you might be thinking, I can’t believe she wrote about such an embarrassing moment. Sometimes we have to feel the pain and know that if we truly embrace the feelings, there is something to be learned and enlightment will come on the other side. What I have learned is that I need to be me and not be ashamed of who I am, what I have done, or what I haven’t done. My focus is on LOVE and embracing my future in my truest self. It is through that lense I will be able to live the life described in the poem above. LOVE God, LOVE myself and extend that LOVE to others.