The Freedom Keys theme this May is all about Motherhood and Sexuality. Many of you might be scratching your heads wondering, “What does motherhood have to do with sexuality?” You had sex to procreate and become a mom, but that’s it.
On the contrary, I would argue that being in touch with your sexuality has EVERYTHING to do with being a good mom. Your sexuality is about who YOU are as a woman, BEFORE and AFTER you became a mom. As women we play many roles in our lives. Whether it is mom, sister, daughter, friend, wife, mother-in-law, or daughter-in-law, each role is important and one role is not more important than the other. There may be times in our lives where one role requires more attention than others, however, they are all important.
When we become a mom, it doesn’t mean we have to lose ourselves as a woman. So many women struggle with their bodies, feeling like their bodies are no longer their own after having a baby. You may be nursing, and your boobs are used to feed your children, as opposed to your partner’s fun. Your stomach may not be flat after gaining 50 extra pounds of baby weight, as opposed to feeling slim and sexy in your cute jeans, which no longer fit. Your “lady parts” down there might be loose, whether you had a 6 or 10 pound baby squeezed out of you. You may pee in your pants when you jump, sneeze or cough, as opposed to feeling tight and toned, where you could weight-lift from your vagina. You are exhausted and overwhelmed. You don’t have time to exercise and your body is no longer in “good shape”. You don’t have the time or energy to be intimate with your partners and when you do, you might want the lights off so he won’t see you.
The truth is, if we just focus on being a mom and forget about being a woman, we lose sight of a BIG part of who we are. When you think of the word gender, it is referring to whether you are a man or woman, not whether you are a mother or father. Our gender as a woman defines our sexuality and much of who we are. At its core, female body parts define a biological woman. Women have breasts, ovaries and a vagina, where men have a penis and testicles. It is important that we don’t ignore the beauty of what makes us physically different than men. God designed us to be different, and to have the fortune of being mothers. Our bodies are a part of what makes us special and unique as women. When I talk about sexuality, I mean what makes you the WOMAN you are in the body, mind, and soul.
If we want to be a good mom, have a great marriage, a successful career and an abundance of money, we must not forget who we are at the core. We must love and connect with all the roles and parts that make us a woman. We must understand our bodies are a gift! We need to embrace our bodies, rather than hide or shame them. As a mom, the best gift you can give your kids is an example of a happy, healthy marriage. And it is ok if that marriage now includes a step parent. If you do not focus on your marriage, loving your body, and make sex a priority in your relationship, you are doing yourself, your partner and your kids a dis-service. Sex and intimacy are one of the missing pieces in the puzzle. When you are connected to your sexuality as a woman, you become a better mom, better partner, and a better businesswoman. You shine your light brighter into this world. Rather than telling your kids they can create the life of their dreams, you live by example and show your kids what it means to be a woman and live out your God- given purpose.
I understand that for many women, we were not taught to view motherhood and sexuality this way. That is ok! Let’s explore how each of us relate to this topic with the questions below.
What did your mom teach you about motherhood?
• Did your mom always sacrifice her own needs for yours?
• Did your mom follow her dreams? Or Did she give up her dreams for you?
• Name one quality that YOUR MOM would define as a “good mom”
• Are there things you wish you could say to your mom that you haven’t?
• Is there something that drives you crazy about your mom that you said you never wanted to do when you became a mom?
What did your mom teach you about being a good wife/partner?
• What did your mom teach you about love and relationships?
• Were your parents happily married, divorced or never married?
• What impact did your parents relationship have on how you connect with your partner?
• Did your parents prioritize time to be with each other or their new spouse? Or did they always put you first?
• Did you say you would never do things your mom did?
• Did you see your parents modeling good relationships for you?
• Did you see your mom admire and respect her romantic partner?
What did your mom teach you about sex and your body?
• What did your mom teach you about sex?
• When you got your period, was it a celebration, uneventful or a traumatic experience?
• Did your mom teach you how to love your body?
• Were you taught that brains were more important than beauty?
• Were you taught to love your body or change it to meet a different ideal?
What did your mom teach you about being a WOMAN?
• Is your body your own after being a mom?
• Do you still feel turned on as sexy after being a mom?
• Do you find it hard to feel “in the mood” after being a mom?
• What is one thing you admire about your own mothering abilities?
• What did your religion or culture teach you about being a mom?
• What roles models did you have that taught you how to be a woman?
• Was your mom a good mom and housekeeper, but didn’t teach you how to be a woman?