Last month we talked about Celebrating Masculinity and the impact that male relationships have had in
our lives and how we understand sexuality. This month we are going to dig a bit deeper. So many of us
want the type of romantic relationships we saw growing up as kids in fairy tales. The relationship where
we are swept off our feet, fall madly in love, and live happily ever after. Or as an adult, we crave the
deep intimacy we see on the Hallmark channel or in romantic movies where we feel the hot passion and
intense desire with the “man of our dreams.”
The truth is we desire connection and intimacy at our core. We have this hunger to be cherished,
treasured, loved and desired by a man. However, we don’t realize how embracing our sexuality, or not
embracing our sexuality, has a direct impact on whether we can achieve this deep intimate experience
we so desperately crave.
Do you want to know the #1 biggest thing that gets in the way of the intimacy we so crave? Control.
Our society has traditionally labeled character traits for boys and girls, and encouraged us as parents to
teach our kids what it means to be a “good girl” or “good boy.” However, the feminist movement has
inspired many women to change that mentality; stepping up to be strong, independent successful
women. We have been told we can do anything a boy can do, and at the same time, we have become
“too controlling” in our ways. With the desire to be strong, independent and confident, many women
have subconsciously put up blocks creating a false, inauthentic version of themselves without realizing
it.
I am not suggesting that women should not be strong and independent, they absolutely should.
However, I believe we have swayed too much to one side. It is not always about WHAT WE DO OR SAY,
it’s about HOW WE SHOW UP. In our efforts to DO MORE or overcome oppression in some ways, we
have lost a piece of ourselves.
When we are young and first in love, we show up different. We feel alive, passionate and on fire. There
is attraction, polarity and connection, which is a natural part of being a woman. As time goes on, this
attraction and connection can fade. With day to day life responsibilities, couples can tend to take each
other for granted and the spark that was once there seems to have diminished. Women are so busy
doing life that we just go through the motions at times. We become numb. There is no time for sex or
pleasure. It is more important to take care of our family, house, church, business or community. Women
are working themselves too hard striving to be successful, trying to keep it together and focusing on
serving and pleasing others rather than surrendering into the truest expression of themselves.
Women show up with an energy of having to DO IT ALL. We take it upon ourselves to be in control and
have forgotten how to surrender and let go. The truth is, in trying to maintain that control we end up
emasculating men more often than we realize. This need for control kills the connection with that
partner and “desire” in our relationships (as well as our orgasm). As a result, so many women live with
this feeling that SOMETHING IS MISSING, yet can’t put their finger on it. We don’t realize what is
underneath this hunger we so desperately crave. We are so busy focusing on our responsibilities that we
forget this deep hunger inside. We ignore it and show up in a way that emasculates rather than creates
connection with our partner.
When a woman learns to give up control and surrenders to the divine nature within her soul, she is filled
with more love and passion than she could have ever imagined. It is no longer about control,
responsibility or getting things done. She tunes into the essence of herself and feels with her body,
instead of thinks with her mind. When she learns how to respond versus react, and shows up with honor
and respect for her partner, she creates the connection and intimacy she so desperately desires.