Why do I do the things I do?

I have been on this personal self-discovery journey and there are times I get mad, frustrated and angry at myself for how I handled a situation. It’s like I know better, but yet, I still can’t seem to get past doing the same thing that I KNOW isn’t working, but keep doing it anyway. I pray and ask for support and yet, still find myself “stuck in a muck”.

Through conscious journaling, meditation and reflection, I have found that when you are OPEN to taking a new step and become more AWARE, you are able to begin putting patterns together. In this new state of being, you are able to identify what is really underneath the unconscious habits that drive your life every single day.

Tony Robbins says it well, we all have 6 human needs that drive our every day actions. Our behaviors are simply an attempt to meet those needs.

Inner Outer Basic Certainty – assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure; comfort and saftety Uncertainty– the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli; variety Self Significance – feeling unique, important, special or needed; “feeling that I matter” Connection – a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something Spirit Growth – an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding Contribution – a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others

1. Certainty: Certainty provides us a sense of comfort or safety. It is a place where we know what to expect about things and others behaviors. It feeds our need in striving to control all aspects of our lives and provides the ability to predict what will happen. It gives us an overall sense of knowing, comfort and safety.

2. Uncertainty: Doing the same thing all the time can get boring. We have a desire to shake things up and try new things. When we feel safe, we can relax and open up to the possibility of uncertainy, where we feel alive and engaged.

3. Significance: We have the desire for meaning and purpose in our lives. We want to feel important and valued; like we matter. Some people fill this need by competing with others or putting other people down to make themselves look good. When you point a finger at someone else it can be feeding your personal need of significance.

4. Connection/Love: We are social beings and connecting with people is important. Without connection, we can easily get lonely. We bond with others and form connections as an extension of ourselves.

“The force of life is the drive for fulfillment; we all have a need to experience a life of meaning. Fulfillment can only be achieved through a pattern of living in which we focus on two spiritual needs:”

5. Growth: Beyond fulfilling the previous needs, we have a desire for continuous growth and evolution. To increase our knowledge and become more than we are.

6. Contribution: Contributing beyond ourselves in a meaningful way. By actively contributing rather than just belonging, we increase our connections and expand the difference we are making in the world.

Our inability to consistently meet these needs can result in dysfunctional behaviors. When our attempts at fulfillment fail, we settle and allow ourselves to play small. We end up living in a lower vibrational state of being.

I encourage you to see what needs you might be striving to fulfill. There is a payoff for all of our actions, but are we dis-empowering ourselves and others in the process? What are your behaviors and actions costing you? Look to replace those needs with things that empower and support others.

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